How to Be An Adult

11 Dec

1. Turn 30.
2. Get your first gray hair.
3. Realize your child has been alive for a decade and lament the waning years of his childhood.
4. Listen to Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.
5. Realize you are actually mourning the passing of your own childhood/adolescence.
6. Consume massive amounts of sugar and booze.
7. Force your 10-year-old to bring you water and food while you sleep off the lingering hangover.
8. Take pride in your decision to procreate.
9. SUCCESS

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